Why do breakups happen?

Jaanvi, 12th January 2015

Dear All,

Hare Krsna

In the recent times, there have been many breaking up of family relationships, such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, husband and wife, parent and children, etc. Now, are these happenings due to past karmic reactions, or other reasons??

Sincerely,
Jaanvi

 

Lalit, 12th January 2015

Hare krishna!

I share my learning.

Relations are nothing more than karmic account settlement.

As long as we are attached to our karma the cycle continues.

Doing karma as in duty bound without any prejudice towards result may (as i am too in search) lead to the path inside.

Hare Krishna!

 

Sudeep Manchanda, 12th January 2015

Hare Krishna,

Unfortunately, breaking of relationships is becoming more and more common these days. We have a lot technology to connect to other but still being dragged away from each other. We strive to have ‘good’ company around us. But is our definition of ‘good’ correct?

In Kali-Yuga we do not have relationships. Forget about relationship with The Supreme Personality of Godhead, we do not even have relationships on a material platform. All we do is business. This is a bitter truth! The parent take care of their child so that he/she would take care of them when they grow up.. and similarly for any relationship. We like people who would praise us and not those who would tell us the truth. We all want to be independent and do not want to told what we should and should not do. We put out offers.. I will love you and marry you if you allow me to do something something or I will leave with my parents only if they pay my expense and allow me to do what “I”want to do.

The problem is not Karmas per say. I am married to a wonderfully understanding wife so does that mean my karmas were good? And if I did not have a good wife would that mean my karmas were bad? This may not may not be true but it does become an excuse for us to run away from trying to what we should be doing. We give excuses… What can I do I don’t have a good wife because of my karmas. And what about us?

The perfection of any household (Grahasta) is to have The Supreme Personality Of Godhead, Krishna in the center. It is the responsibility of every family member to contribute to it. If we keep doing business with our family, that is wrong! If we think that this is Krishna’s family and as a part of this family I have a role to play. I have some roles and responsibilities towards ensuring that the common goal of going back to Godhead is met for all; then that is the right consciousness. And with the consciousness there would never be any difference is opinion about what should be done, there may however be difference in the methods of doing it but that can be used constructively if we respect others as Vaishnavas and have an attitude to serve them.

An important point to be noted is that one need not bother about karmas if their actions are in Krishna Consciousness.

your Servant,
Sudeep Manchanda

 

Jaanvi, 13th January 2015

Dear Prabhujis,

Hare Krsna

Thanks for your replies with understanding.

Also, it is true everyone just accept whatever situation as their karma.

Sincerely,
Jaanvi

 

Sacinandana Das, 13th January 2015

Hare Krishna Dear Devotees,

Please accept my humble obeisances.

All glories to Srila Gurudev and Srimati Gurumata.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

It happens because Krishna is not the center of their lives.

your servant,
Sacinandana Das

 

Lalit, 13th January 2015

Hare krishna!
Karmas with prejudice, attachment and expectations are root cause of misery.
“Karmaneyevadhikaerastu maa faleshun kadachana” summarizes everything.

Be here to make others happy and not in pursuit of happiness for self.

If you have a difficult partner and if you are truly searching for the path inside then you should be thankful to HIM for making arrangements leading to detachment.

Desire or expectation do not cause misery but if both are unfulfilled they cause havoc in one’ life.

Break ups are usually result of unfulfilled expectations, impatience, prejudice and ego.

A true seeker never gives up on any relation or duty despite all odds placed against him.

Hare Krishna!
Lalit

 

Haladhar Das, 13th January 2015

Hare Krsna!

No doubt it’s a fact that with the advancement of so called civilization, people are becoming more and more self centered resulting into broken relationships. This happens due to poor guidance or training from foolish representatives, more or less we ourselves are responsible for electing them. That’s why its necessary to preach Lord Caitanya message of Krsna consciousness far and wide. Until and unless people will know at least theoretically that not only them but every species is not a body but an eternal soul, part and parcel of Krsna, these clashes are bound to happen.

na te vidhu svartha gatim hi visnum
durasaya ye bahir artha maninah
andha yathandair upaniyamanas
te ‘apisa tantraym uru-damni baddhah

“Persons who are strongly entrapped by the consciousness of enjoying material life, and who have therefore accepted as their leader or guru a similar blind man attached to external sense objects, cannot understand that the goal of life is to return home, back to Godhead, and engage in the service of Lord Viṣṇu ; not engage in service of his uncontrolled senses & fighting like animals. As blind men guided by another blind man miss the right path and fall into a ditch, materially attached men led by another materially attached man are bound by the ropes of fruitive labor, which are made of very strong cords, and they continue again and again in materialistic life, suffering the threefold miseries.”

One cannot expect peace in an animalistic society. A bunch of animals will naturally and unnecessarily fight. But if one can understand his real position and the goal of life, then disputes can be easily avoided. One should understand anyone embodied (accepting a suitable body as per his desires from the material nature) is automatically under the modes of material nature and is forced to perform accordingly. That’s why Lord Krsna says to Arjuna to become transcendental to these 3 modes of material nature (BG 2.45 nistrai -gunyo bhava arjuna)

Due to past karma’s one may be put under such situations where there is chance of dispute but by properly utilizing one’s free will and in the light of the scriptures, one can refrain from acting unfavourably resulting into future karmic reactions. By thinking that everything happening due to karmic reactions and forgetting or taking it lightly will not help, one should be aware that the way he handles the situation will result into further results. Like one may have bought a ticket from India to Japan, but how he utilizes his brief stay on the plane depends upon him. Similarly by utilizing the temporary human body for eternal gain or by utilizing the senses in the service of the master of senses, we can make best use of a bad bargain and hence avoid family, social, national, international disputes.

Hope it may help.

Thank you.

Haladhar Das

 

Mahabhagavat Das SDA, 14th January 2015

Dear Mother Jaanvi,

Hare Krishna!

Relationships are complex. Still, one who has a good relationship with Krishna has a good relationship with everyone else. Even if someone’s is a devotee’s enemy, the devotee does not become their enemy. To a nondevotee, yes, everything is karma. But to a devotee, everything is a facility to increase Krishna consciousness, just like the jaws of a cat, death to a mouse, but safe haven to the kitten. So a “bad” relationship is also good for a devotee, and a “good” relationship is equally good, a devotee does not get disturbed with all these things, or even if there is temporary disturbance, the devotee comes back to Krishna consciousness.

Sincerely,
Mahabhagavat Das
Priya Sutradhar, 14th January 2015

Hare Krsna dear Jaanvi mataji. Pranam

Srila Prabhupad said Love affairs in the material world are only shadows or reflections of the real love with Krishna. If you love Krishna in any capacity, you shall never be frustrated because everything in Krishna is perfect, eternal, blissful, and full of knowledge.

your servant,
Priya

Bhakta Sunil, 21st January 2015

Hare Krishna Mataji

In this context I found the following letter of Prabhupada which states any fight between husband and wife be not taken seriously
—–
“Don’t create some abnormal condition. Please go back to your husband and live peacefully and execute Krishna Consciousness together. He will also not take sannyasa order out of frustration. You are an intelligent girl and an advanced student. You should know that our main business is Krishna Consciousness. So fighting between husband and wife is not to be taken very seriously. So if you have any respect for me, I request you not to quarrel with your husband seriously. So if you have any respect for me, I request you not to quarrel with your husband. Live peacefully, chant Hare Krishna and try to serve the cause as best as possible. I am very glad that your mother is also taking interest in Krishna Consciousness. That is very good. As you have to leave Boston very soon it is better that you go immediately to N.Y. and live peacefully with your husband. That is my order. I hope you will not disobey me.” [Letter to Ekayani Aug. 31, 1971]
——-
Hope this helps,

Sincerely,
Bhakta Sunil

 

Yamini Narang, 21st January 2015

Hare Krishna!
Please accept my humble obeisances at your feet.
All glories to Srila Gurudeva.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Dear HG Jaanvi Mataji,
All the previous replies are really wonderful and very helpful. I remember a few teachings by srila gurudeva in this context.

(Excerpt from Srimad Bhagavatam lecture by Srila Gurudeva at Denver, Colorado, 15 January, 2005)

I remember in my brahmacari days we had one temple commander, Madan Mohan Prabhu, in Gainesville. Some of the devotees came up to him and started glorifying him and he knew they had some motives. So he directly said, “OK. What do you want?” He knew there was something up their sleeves. They were not just glorifying him for the sake of glorifying him. This is demoniac mentality. I have some motive so I’m worshiping. In the material world someone gets a position in a corporation and they are always flattering their supervisor. They don’t really like the person. It is just some game to move up the corporate ladders. They might even hate his guts, but still, they play the game, to move up. This is demoniac mentality. It is all based on the desire of prominence. This desire for prominence is the greatest defect actually. It is this desire which brought us here to begin with. We were there in the spiritual world, serving Krishna in Goloka, or in the Vaikuntha world. In every world there, Krishna or Lord Vishnu is prominent. In Goloka Vrindavan everyone is talking about Krishna. The cow herd boys come home, all wide-eyed, they say Mata Mata! You know. What happened today in the forest? This big demon came, and Krishna. Killed him! Krishna did this, Krishna did that! Krishna Krishna!! Everything is Krishna Krishna Krishna.”

So my dear mataji, from this excerpt from Srila Gurudeva’s lecture we can see that people in this material world have demoniac mentality but as prabhupada says that the only motive of our birth is to become Krishna’s servant and go back home, to our real identity, the eternal one and go back to God head. Break up of family relations have even been very frequent in our family and even now many conflicts go on but there’s a change I’ve observed in my family that since a few years the members of our family who have taken up to KC are into family conflicts and fights. So mataji, unless the center of every relationship is Krishna, center every talk, every action, every word that we utter, anything and everything we do, its center is Krishna these kind of fights, conflicts will be there. In other words, suffering will be there.
A few days back I asked Srila Gurudeva about my family members that they keep on shouting on me for nothing and I’m so sensitive that I start crying and waste my time! So Gurudeva said to me that if you are not feeling love from material relations then it is Krsna’s special mercy upon you to become detached from material relations and become more and more attached and surrendered to Him.

And recently I got to know a very sincere and senior mataji who’s a disciple of HH Loknath Swami Maharaj, she loves me like her daughter. So once I told mataji that please don’t leave me, I love you very much. So in reply she said: My dear, till the time the center of our relationship is Krishna, we’ll be together like this and serve the Lord.

So from all these I just concluded one thing. “Keep Krishna in the center, keep your focus on Krishna and serving your Gurudev and you’ll be happy.”

I’m the most fallen soul so kindly forgive me for the offenses committed by me.

May Lord bless you with His pure devotion.

your servant,
Yamini

 

Lalit, 24th January 2015

Hare Krishna!

All break up moments give you an opportunity to dive inside.

Now it’s at one’s discretion how he uses this opportunity.

Playing blame game, fault finding or plunging inside.

Lalit

Please subscribe to daily inspirational emails from His Grace Sriman Sankarshan Das Adhikari (Writings and lectures archived at sda-archives.com), written fresh every day from his travels around the world sharing the highest spiritual knowledge with everyone. Sign up now at www.backtohome.com